i shall remember everything. how people treat me. how they treat me. how you treat me. the hardship that i'm facing.. from the things i've received. and from the things that i've lost. how i feel about everything. i want to remember it all, so that one day when everything is far away, i shall look back and smile. smile to what i have achieved along the journey that i had gone through.
so yes, i have lost half of the memories of my adult life. but i am keen on making new memories with my friends and family, who would always be here no matter what. i regretted having them become second before. never again.
i hope everything is fine at the other side. at the moment i'm trying hard to run towards the safe side but i keep on stumbling on my way there. my legs can't seem to function properly. and sometimes my heart beats faster but most of the time i think it forgot to beat at all.
sometimes in life when you think that the luck is not at your side, you should think again. because there are bound to be other people who suffer more than you do. take example of the poor people who doesn't have a lot of choices in life. a family member of mine was admitted to the hospital for a serious illness recently and i feel that my condition is way much better than what her family members are facing. i know that i should be thankful with what i have to date, even if it is lesser now.
things at work are still the same. still trying hard to cope. but now things are better since i have friends where i can share work related problems with. and no more problem of thinking about who would accompany me for lunch. in fact sometimes(more like most of the time) i'm the one who decides where we should eat. hehe
today, another person thought that i've just finished high school. at that time i was bringing my laptop,wearing work clothes and holding the audit file. isn't it obvious? so okay, maybe my bag pack didn't show the laptop but i'm pretty sure i was making a straight/professional face. recently i've been getting this assumption a lot. and i'm getting tired of it(actually i'm tired of everything at the moment). it's funny because back when i was still studying, people thought i've started working. there were a few incidents where my clients thought that i was just some kid pestering in their offices. last saturday, i received the door gift meant for kids at a wedding. and to think that i've put on my make up and wore a not too shabby baju kurung moden. i always wonder, don't people know that petite/small/short people grow old too? a kakak said that i would appreciate this in years to come but at this moment i'm not liking it a bit. because when people think that i'm young, they don't take me seriously. and all this while i thought i looked professional. ooh did i mention even the security guard in our building keeps stopping me during the first month i joined the firm. that's why i always look so serious when passing them. heh
so okay. i think i've done enough ranting. i'm suppose to be doing my audit planning but i just don't feel like doing anything. even retail therapy won't help. well maybe karaoke does, but that doesn't mean i can sing well. heh. i think i sigh a lot nowadays. i hate to think that when i do, other people could smell my stinkin breath. hehe
back to becoming the boring inexperienced auditor this week. i was assigned with china guy to audit at the client's place. he's called china guy since he's in fact from china. so you can imagine how we communicate. he speaks english but with he's own cute accent, sometimes i pity him when nobody understood what he was talking about. Sometimes he tries to talk to me about something but when i didn't understand we just laughed and he would brushed it off. funny i tell you. sometimes when he couldn't find the right english word, he would say it in mandarin but of course i wouldn't have the slightest clue. when i found out that i was assigned with him(i had to replace my friend since she quit last week), i was petrified thinking that it would be very awkward working with him. but surprise surprise he's easy to work with aside from the language barrier. we even make jokes with our own way. tee hee
so on friday he asked me to read through the client's legal files since he has some difficulty understanding the whole picture and would take thrice a time to finish reading both files. i couldn't help having a sudden adrenaline rush while reading them. you see i really wanted to become a lawyer since i entered highschool. part of it was because i was influenced by ally mcbeal. but some of the correspondence were in bahasa and everything seemed to be directly translated from english hence it sounded weird.
also part of why i wanted to become a lawyer was because i didn't excel in all of my science related subjects. heh. and so i only concentrated on the subjects that would allow me to further my studies in law ie mainly in history and english. but then things didn't turn out as i expected. i couldn't believe that i would be doing accounting if you'd asked me back then.
when i was in my final year at school a friend(let's just call her doraemon) said that she's not sure whether i could be a lawyer, but one thing she's sure about is that i could be a loyar burok. pfft.
ps: i wanna be a billionaire too! then i could buy all the things that i want. heh
yeay i'm free from the exam mode. let's just hope that this is for the last time. unfortunately i have to head back to the boring ol' office tomorrow. thank goodness two of my friends will be joining the firm soon. told you i'm good at persuading..
on another note i would like to talk about destiny. a pretty heavy topic for my brain since i'm still feeling a little tired from vomiting AAA a few hours back. i believe everything happens for a reason. if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. same with the stuffs i want to buy. i've been wanting this one bag since its arrival but then of course the wallet didn't agree with me. and so i waited since there are bound to have a newer much prettier bags in the future, when the wallet is more agreeable with me. and so i waited. and then suddenly a few weeks back, there was a christmas sale and i thought that it must be a sign. but then something made me changed my mind. but then suddenly i found out yesterday that there is a smaller(cheaper) version of the bag and i thought to myself, 'this is it! it must be a sign. i shouldn't wait no more. tee hee. so goes with other stuffs. i always wait for a discount(tsk tsk, i'm still poor remember?) and i always tell myself if i'm meant to be with that stuff, i would surely get it. even after a few months maybe years but when i finally get what i wanted, it's a satisfaction i can't describe. hehe. okay i'm talking nonsense. i forgot to stop talking nonsense since entering the exam hall earlier this evening. heh
ps: lets just hope that i am destined to pass this time around
